§Meanwhile, somewhere very far away...§

"THAT STUPID PORTAL-POSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Kaos's screams were so loud that the lights flickered in fear of his awe-inspiring rage, and birds flew off in their stupid bird flocks in fury. He crashed face-first into the concrete, staggered up and spat out a tooth. Oh, he loathed this stupid mudball more than any other place he was banished too! Once he got back to Skylands and reclaimed his place as ultimate evil overlord, he was definitely going to wipe this miserable little planet off the face of the galaxy! No, the entire universe! That would be far better than using it as a parking lot for all his evil armies' warships like he initially planned, he was sure of it.

That is, if he could possibly get back to Skylands. The stupid, awful, insidious portal-poster completely blocked out his only route to Skylands, the one portal he could possibly find, his one ticket out of this awful place. Surely, he was stuck here for good! In spite of all his carefulness, in spite of the spells he used to block himself from any sort of tracking device or watchful eye of hers, she still managed to foil his plots! For that matter, this was all her fault in the first place. If she hadn't led the Skylanders into beating him back then, he would still be in Skylands, conquering and ruling as he should!

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW!" Kaos screamed to the sky in some vague attempt of reaching her with his words. He clenched his teeth, gnashed them together as bright blue fire formed around his clenched fist, but dismissed the flares with a simple flick of his hand.

"Ever since she banished me to this stupid place, nothing's gone right! I've been nothing short of miserable, getting stuck on this stupid planet!"

Kaos breathed in and steadied himself before he quite literally burst into flames, but the thought of all the hardship, all the misery and pain he was dealt since coming here made his blood boil! Such a pathetic situation like this was more befitting of those Skylosers, or that fool Eon, or especially that stupid apprentice! It was completely unfair that he, the ultimate evil overlord of all Skylands, was dealt this absolutely horrendous hand of cards! (Oh, and he supposed Glumshanks didn't really deserve being trapped here either.)

"I've been chewed up by dogs, plucked off the ground by birds and nearly fed to their young, captured by snot-nosed brats, nearly trampled, and run over, and washed away in storms, forced to trek through freezing snow, heavy torrents, and extreme temperatures with nothing but the clothes on my back… After all the awful things I've had to endure because of this, I'm sure I should be allowed to zap her in the face at least once!"

I'm sure you do, Lord Kaos, Glumshanks added from his seat on Kaos's back. Kaos kept Glumshanks' frozen form held tight there with rubber bands he found amid old cardboard boxes and tin cans full of garbage.

"You bet I do, Glumshanks!" Kaos shook a fist to the night sky. "Once I find her and get back to normal, I'll make her regret even contemplating the notion of sending me to this awful, insidious dirtball of a planet!"

Kaos's rage had completely encapsulated him, and his head was red-hot and so aflame with anger that he completely lost control of himself. All he could do was shake his fists and shout curses and insults at the skies with the highest volume he could muster! It was childish and completely uncouth of an evil overlord, and these insults were barely legible, but he could be forgiven for being a little less composed after all the things he had been through.

"TAKE THAT, YOU AWFUL PLANET!" Kaos cried as he shot a cyan lightning bolt from his palms and towards the skies!

The lightning bolt screeched as it shot right towards the sky, its bright light one of the only things setting it apart from the cover of the night. Right as it disappeared into the skies, a loud thunderclap cried down from above and rain poured down onto the streets! It was as if the Earth itself retaliated against Kaos's remarks, and he wasn't particularly happy with it!

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID MUDBALL!" Kaos cried!

His snarl tempered itself a little, and he dashed towards a building that was barely discernible in the dark of night. He could continue his verbal battles with the planet of his captivity later. For now, he needed some sanctuary.

Kaos grumbled something to himself as he summoned a magical umbrella that shielded him from the massive storm of rain above. With his safety ensured for now, Kaos rifled through the mounds of trash sanctioned outside the building. Many a trash pile was his sanctuary in times of need, for the massive boxes, cans, and other storage devices acted as makeshift bases and shelters. It wasn't exactly the most noble thing, but Kaos couldn't exactly afford to be choosy right now.

He dove into a particularly large cardboard box that seemed suspiciously fresh compared to the others, pulled one of its flaps over him and Glumshanks, and sat down.

"Once I get back to Skylands and build my evil empire back up again, those Skylosers and Portal Pest will be first in line to taste their evil doom!" Kaos proclaimed! A shadow cast over the rest of his box, but he didn't particularly care as he paced around in a circle, much like he always did during his moments of evil brilliance.

Uh, Lord Kaos— Glumshanks said, but Kaos quickly tuned him out. Kaos was on a roll now, and he didn't have time to stop!

"Oh, it'll be perfect! First I'll beat them to a bloody pulp, make them beg for their lives and cower at my throne for mercy! Not that they'll get it, of course!" Kaos giggled, bounced in place, and returned to pacing at a much faster speed. "Then, I'll feed them to my doomsharks! No, I'll toss their bodies in an active volcano! No, even better, I'll bury them alive while shocking them to death!" Kaos clapped his hands. "Yes, yes, that's so devious it sends shudders down my evil spine!"

Lord Kaos—

"Then, I'm completely wipe out Eon's stupid ghost, and I'll take out all their stupid little friends like that mole, and their airheaded pilot! Last but not least, I'll pay back the portal-poster herself for everything she put me through! It'll be an ingenious act of evil! She'll be forced to watch all her stupid little friends get plucked off one by one, then—"

LORD KAOS, LOOK OUT!

Kaos lifted his head and gasped. Towered above him was a massive, aged, thin man with wrinkly skin and white hair dressed in colorful garb, and he reached right for Kaos! Kaos immediately went to throw an attack and make his leave, but unfortunately, he was too late; the man snatched him out of his box sanctuary and walked off! Oh, if only Kaos listened to Glumshanks and not gotten caught up in his monologue of his great evil plan…

"Let me go, you worm!" Kaos cried as he tried to squirm himself free from the man's grip. "I demand you release me, KAOS, the ultimately evil overlord of Skylands!"

The man, however, didn't entertain Kaos's demands at all! He just sighed and gripped Kaos tighter as he wandered over to the building's door and pushed it open!

"I swear," he grumbled, his voice hoarse and tired, "these new toys get fancier by the hour."

The man wandered further inside the building as the door closed shut behind him. "When I was a young'in, our toys couldn't even move! Now they've got all these fancy talkin' ones, and smart toys, and those Sky-something or others with their newfangled games…"

As the man rambled and lamented, however, Kaos just frowned and scanned his surroundings, or what little he could make of them from the dull overhead lighting the occasionally flickered in and out. All around him were rows of white plastic shelves, each with boxes depicting all sorts of fancy toys! Model rockets, dolls, soft plush animals and creatures of all kinds, talking robots, and more lined the shelves, not that Kaos cared for such paltry wastes of space.

But then, they passed by one shelf and Kaos's blood boiled again! There before him were rows upon rows of those awful Skylosers, all trapped in round plastic containers with orange cardboard backings advertising their very existence! Why were there so many copies of them? Last time Kaos checked, the Skylanders were completely unable to clone themselves! Most of them, anyways.

"Of course it was just my luck that I ended up working the day that new Skylanders game comes out," the man lamented as he dropped Kaos on a shelf. "I can already hear the screaming kids and the tantrums" — the man sighed as he trailed away from Kaos — "but I guess I'd better lock up and get some sleep before the big day."

Oh, so this was all just a game here? That wasn't quite what Kaos would have expected, but at least it explained why there were so many clones of those Skylosers just sitting around and doing nothing! Hey, wait a second—they just sat around and did nothing; Kaos could mock them all he wanted, and they couldn't possibly do a thing! Why, this was just the thing he desired! They may not have been the real deal, but he couldn't pass up this opportunity!

Kaos cackled as he strode past the shelves, weaved through the many copies, and towards a diorama of what he presumed was supposed to be Skylands. There, five figurines of five Skylanders—that stupid walking tree, the idiotic fish, the brainless lava monster who was too queasy for his own good, the elf girl with the shrieky voice, and the gremlin with those strange gold pistols—all stood frozen on pedestals with blank looks on their faces!

"Well, well, look who we have here!" Kaos crooned as he strode in front of the diorama with the smuggest smile on his face. "The Skylosers, completely frozen in there while I'm out here!"

"Drop the hammer!" the ent cried, though oddly enough, his voice seemed a bit more muffled than usual.

Kaos chuckled as he zipped right up to the ent, and rapped his fist against the plastic that blocked them off from each other. "Oh, I'm sure you'd absolutely love to do that…" Kaos tapped the glass. "But. You. Can't!"

"Drop the hammer!" the ent repeated.

Kaos just frowned and raised a brow. Did this ent have sap for brains? Kaos already told him there was no way he could possibly reach him! Or maybe he was just being stubborn like obnoxious trees were.

"Drop the hammer!" the ent repeated a third time while Kaos rolled his eyes.

"Silent but deadly!" the elf cried.

Kaos perked up his ear and shot a glare at the elf, for he grew quite bored of dealing with the ent's repetition.

"Oh ho ho, and don't get me started on you!" Kaos snarled as he zipped up to the elf and pointed a finger between her eyes. "Remember that time when you hit me with that freezepepper powder, and I was frozen solid for a week? How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine?"

"Silent but deadly!"

Kaos snarled and gritted his teeth. Okay, he knew these things were just copies of the Skylanders, but they weren't exactly good copies, given that all they did was repeat the same thing! Or perhaps… They were mocking him? Oh, the insidiousness of it all! Kaos scowled, and pounded a fist against the glass while his eyes glowered.

"Quit being coy, you stupid elf!" Kaos demanded. "Throwing your stupid little catchphrases at me isn't going to scare me! Are you forgetting that I can actually attack and you can't?!"

"Silent but deadly!"

Kaos hissed the air through his teeth, and whipped out glowing red hands. The light around his eyes grew so bright that it tinted the world around a bit red. The absolute insolence of these stupid statues to stand around, and act like they could mock him! He was going to make them pay for thinking they could possibly hold something over him, the great Lord Kaos! In fact, even though they were this close to tasting their doom, they were still doing it!

"Born to burn!"

"No gold, no glory!"

"Fear the fish!"

All these catchphrases swirled around Kaos's head the way those baby birds pecked at his skull, all dizzying and infuriating at the same time! The lights at his palms only grew bigger and brighter as his fury grew larger, and he slammed them in front of the diorama.

Lord Kaos, I don't think they can say anything other than that, Glumshanks remarked. You shouldn't really waste your strength…

"SILENCE GLUMSHANKS!" Kaos proclaimed as burst of red magic formed at his palms. "I'LL SHOW THESE STUPID STATUES WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MOCK THE ALMIGHTY LORD KAOS!"

Kaos cackled as he prepared to fire, but right before he did, a bright light shone from within the heart of the diorama! That light, just the very sight of it sent a magical, haunting chill through Kaos's heart, enough to vanquish his anger and the magic born of it. It couldn't possibly be!

Kaos magically cut a hole big enough to let him through into the glass, hiked over the diorama's mock hills and skies towards—oh sweet Ancients, it was! There, seated in the center of the diorama, and shining brightly as it practically begged for him to use it, was a, was a, was a…

"A PORTAL!"

Kaos cheered as he leaped up and clapped his hands together! Kaos hit the ground feet-first, but his joy was so immeasurable that he couldn't stop himself from bouncing up and down in place.

"This is it, Glumshanks!" Kaos shimmied the rubber bands off, and turned Glumshanks so that good old Glumshanks got a full-view of the portal in all its shining glory. "We can finally go home!"

However, Glumshanks didn't seem nearly as enthusiastic about it as Kaos did! He just sputtered and whimpered a bit as Kaos dragged him towards the portal. What was wrong with him?

Er, Lord Kaos, I don't think this is such a good idea, Glumshanks said at last as Kaos placed his hands on the portal. Aren't Portal Masters not supposed to use portals on themselves? You know, because it disrupts the space-time continuity and all?

"Oh, nonsense, Glumshanks! Do you want to go back home or not?" Kaos snipped as his hands started to glow. "Now, be quiet and let me focus on making a portal!"

Kaos took a deep breath in and out, closed his eyes and gripped the side of the portal tight…

And a bright flash of red seared against his face! Kaos popped his eyes open and giggled—for it worked! The portal was activated, and though its surface was too murky for him to make out the exact details of where it led, he knew for a fact that it would take him back to Skylands!

"IT WORKED! IT REALLY WORKED!" Kaos cried!

Kaos cackled as he yanked Glumshanks by the arm, leaped in the portal and sank in without a second thought.

"COME ON, GLUMMY, WE'RE GOING—"

THUNK!

"Home?"

Kaos grunted as he peered back down at the portal, but while his lower half made it through, his top half was completely stuck, like he landed in quickestsand! Urgh, travel delays, they were right up there with Skylanders and trees as some of his most hated things! Kaos groaned as he shifted, turned, and squirmed around in some vain attempt to get unstuck, but nothing freed him!

For that matter, a bunch of red static formed around him and crackled with every move he made. What was all that about?

Kaos growled and pounded his fist against the portal's surface. "WORK, YOU STUPID THING!"

Kaos pounded a few more times, and the static grew louder, shinier, and angrier as it evolved from static to full-on lightning bolts! The bolts crackled and snapped as they slammed into everything, from the lights that hung from the ceiling, to the displays of fake Skylanders and other toys! They even zapped the portal and made it even more furious, for it stormed, and sent burst of red wind flying around and knocking everything about!

Kaos winced as one bolt got very dangerously close to singing his glorious evil head, and blinked as something in his body felt slicker, almost as if he was… Slipping? Kaos took a glimpse down at the portal, gasped and grinned! Sure enough, all that lightning unstuck the portal, and he was back on his way down once more. Kaos let out a cackle and thrust a fist to the skies!

"LOOK OUT, EVERYONE!" Kaos vowed as he sank further and further into the portal. "KAOS IS BACK! ONCE I GET MY EMPIRE BACK, NOBODY WHO STANDS IN MY WAY WILL BE SAFE!" Kaos shook his fist a bit for emphasis. "ESPECIALLY ALL OF YOU SKYLOSERS AND YOUR PORTAL-POSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Kaos disappeared into the portal as the world around him turned red and stormy, and his entire vision turned red and sparkly. All of a sudden, his glorious evil head grew so dizzy and so numb... Perhaps he couldn't be faulted if he took a glorious evil nap on the way there... So, while Glumshanks screamed, Kaos just closed his eyes and let the world turn black.